Life 301: Lessons in Dating

This past Saturday, I got to enjoy a lively dinner with my fam (including people who might as well be family). The large party involved my parents and younger bro...two of my good guy friends...one set of their parents...and some of their siblings. 

My friend's mom commented that as I get close to 30,  that I'm gonna have my pick of these guys.
[when I was a teen, I made "back-up" plans with multiple guy friends (a la Phoebe from Friends)... therefore securing my options early on]

I laughed and joked that it was my all part of my master plan....I've just been waiting for the ball to be completely in my court before I finally settle down.

One of the guys, who tends to occasionally suffer from "foot-in-mouth" syndrome, remarked, "well B, out of everyone I know, you're the ONLY girl over 27 who's still single.......sooo you're looking preeeeetty good right about now!!"  (I sincerely wish you could hear the way my friend said this b/c it was hysterical...while it was a compliment, it sounded like a complete burn.)

[The table (with me included) erupted in laughter.]

Amidst the giggles, I leaned over and told my friend that he has a thing or two to learn about women. Like...

lesson #1: never reference a woman's age
(especially in a way that suggests she's some sort of sideshow freak)

Later in the evening, this same guy friend was wildly gesturing (like he's scarfing down food) at the waitress to indicate that he's waiting for his food to be delivered....I casually dropped this hint:

lesson #2: sometimes talking is necessary....
(a given should be when you're trying to communicate with a waitress)

And as he's waiting for his food to be delivered, he pointed out that my large piece of chicken looked like it had been genetically altered and therefore could result in my gaining an extra toe....hence, my quick (and fairly comedic) follow-up to #2:

lesson #3: but more often than not, silence is golden.

It was at this point I quipped that I wished I could record my friend's comments and play them back to him...and, with a goofy grin, he commented to my parents that he thinks I've told him that before (which I have...many, many times). 

There were several other "lessons" that popped up through the course of the evening...such as watching out for ladies with "crazy eyes" (I was immediately informed that all women have "crazy eyes"), never talking about a woman's weight, checking the crazy/hot scale standing, etc.

My parents were practically in tears from laughing so hard at the whole conversation (I think my dad about lost his tea at least twice)...especially given the timing, quick chatter and funny looks involved in it all. And my other guy friend was making the situation even more humorous by trying to work the other end of the spectrum by saying things like, "B, you know, I've heard that a woman really comes into her own during her 30's...it's when you really grow in your own beauty"....only to be put on the spot (by his mom) as to how a woman in her 50's could be perceived.  Poor guys couldn't catch a break...


My final tip for the evening...

Lesson #??: Don't take dating advice from a single gal (ie. me).
;)

from a mustard seed...

Back in 2008, I wrote a blog about a little gem of an idea. Over time, that idea got pushed aside...brought back up...tweaked and refined...and most of all given a clear cut purpose.

I'm thrilled to say that this August, we'll get to witness the culmination of this project. Right now donations are being gathered for listen.read.love.repeat....but the real goal is for people to come purchase these donations, and (through that purchase) donate to the American Cancer Society.

To stay up-to-date on the latest listen.read.love.repeat. news (including how you can get involved)...check out the website and facebook page!
Website: recycle2love.org
Facebook: facebook.com/listen.read.love.repeat

I'm excited to see how this all plays out...and I'm already plotting for future endeavors... :)

note to myself

I should never ever be allowed to go grocery shopping when I'm legitimately hungry (and craving sweets), because this is what I come home with:

Oreos

Cinnamon Rolls

6pk of Big Red

Brownies topped with Chocolate Chip Butter Fudge Ice Cream

2 bottles of Chocolate Milk (hey, at least I got a 1/2 gallon of real milk too)

No wonder the check-out girl gave me a disapproving look!

float on

Dear Comal,

Yesterday you pushed me down and hit me in the knee (while drawing the tiniest bit of blood), but I think that only made our time together more lively and adventurous. Thanks for hosting my "polygamist family" as we floated along....I'm sure our discussions were highly educational to you.  You and your wily ways....kept trying to separate me from the group, but we had a "no toob left behind" policy [and yes, I really did just spell tube like that....on purpose].  You definitely amused me while I was the DD (designated drifter). Next time, I might throw you off-guard and bring my wine-in-a-juice-box...who knows what fun we'll have then!

B

phone chronicles...

with an anonymous, awesome friend....

my friend was trying to talk me into wearing my hair curly [note: my hair is naturally straight...curls seem to be something beyond my hair's comprehension] for an event this upcoming friday:

me:  "you don't understand...my hair looks awesome for maybe the first hour, but then everything goes awry"


aaf:  "seriously....I'm sure it's not that bad!"


me:  "I'll send you a photo to prove it!"


aaf:  "[long pause].......[snort]...HAHAHAHA.....Ok, maybe it IS that bad!!"


me:  "hahahaha....I told you so! so I think straight hair is the way to go..."


aaf:  "[still laughing] agreed!"

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minutes later, on the subject of guy prospects:


aaf:  "well...I give all your damn bastards the benefit of the doubt."

me:  "hahahahaha....yes, you do...and I'm gonna quote you on that. Plus I think you could add that along with awesome friend and extremely honest (especially in regards to my hair) to your personal resume."

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several minutes after that:

aaf:  "[giggling]....sorry...still laughing about your hair"

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**originally forgot to include this section...
even later in the convo (in the midst of another topic):

aaf: "seriously, what friends were you with that didn't inform you that your hair had transformed into a hot mess??...b/c you really shouldn't be friends with them anymore. [still snickering]"

me: "[chuckling] actually I'm supposed to be a bridesmaid in one of their weddings..."

[laughter interlude]

aaf: "you should rethink that."