This past Saturday, I got to enjoy a lively dinner with my fam (including people who might as well be family). The large party involved my parents and younger bro...two of my good guy friends...one set of their parents...and some of their siblings.
My friend's mom commented that as I get close to 30, that I'm gonna have my pick of these guys.
[when I was a teen, I made "back-up" plans with multiple guy friends (a la Phoebe from Friends)... therefore securing my options early on]
I laughed and joked that it was my all part of my master plan....I've just been waiting for the ball to be completely in my court before I finally settle down.
One of the guys, who tends to occasionally suffer from "foot-in-mouth" syndrome, remarked, "well B, out of everyone I know, you're the ONLY girl over 27 who's still single.......sooo you're looking preeeeetty good right about now!!" (I sincerely wish you could hear the way my friend said this b/c it was hysterical...while it was a compliment, it sounded like a complete burn.)
[The table (with me included) erupted in laughter.]
Amidst the giggles, I leaned over and told my friend that he has a thing or two to learn about women. Like...
lesson #1: never reference a woman's age
(especially in a way that suggests she's some sort of sideshow freak)
Later in the evening, this same guy friend was wildly gesturing (like he's scarfing down food) at the waitress to indicate that he's waiting for his food to be delivered....I casually dropped this hint:
lesson #2: sometimes talking is necessary....
(a given should be when you're trying to communicate with a waitress)
And as he's waiting for his food to be delivered, he pointed out that my large piece of chicken looked like it had been genetically altered and therefore could result in my gaining an extra toe....hence, my quick (and fairly comedic) follow-up to #2:
lesson #3: but more often than not, silence is golden.
It was at this point I quipped that I wished I could record my friend's comments and play them back to him...and, with a goofy grin, he commented to my parents that he thinks I've told him that before (which I have...many, many times).
There were several other "lessons" that popped up through the course of the evening...such as watching out for ladies with "crazy eyes" (I was immediately informed that all women have "crazy eyes"), never talking about a woman's weight, checking the crazy/hot scale standing, etc.
My parents were practically in tears from laughing so hard at the whole conversation (I think my dad about lost his tea at least twice)...especially given the timing, quick chatter and funny looks involved in it all. And my other guy friend was making the situation even more humorous by trying to work the other end of the spectrum by saying things like, "B, you know, I've heard that a woman really comes into her own during her 30's...it's when you really grow in your own beauty"....only to be put on the spot (by his mom) as to how a woman in her 50's could be perceived. Poor guys couldn't catch a break...
My final tip for the evening...
Lesson #??: Don't take dating advice from a single gal (ie. me).
;)
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