Sunday, July 25, 2010

Life 301: Lessons in Dating

This past Saturday, I got to enjoy a lively dinner with my fam (including people who might as well be family). The large party involved my parents and younger bro...two of my good guy friends...one set of their parents...and some of their siblings. 

My friend's mom commented that as I get close to 30,  that I'm gonna have my pick of these guys.
[when I was a teen, I made "back-up" plans with multiple guy friends (a la Phoebe from Friends)... therefore securing my options early on]

I laughed and joked that it was my all part of my master plan....I've just been waiting for the ball to be completely in my court before I finally settle down.

One of the guys, who tends to occasionally suffer from "foot-in-mouth" syndrome, remarked, "well B, out of everyone I know, you're the ONLY girl over 27 who's still single.......sooo you're looking preeeeetty good right about now!!"  (I sincerely wish you could hear the way my friend said this b/c it was hysterical...while it was a compliment, it sounded like a complete burn.)

[The table (with me included) erupted in laughter.]

Amidst the giggles, I leaned over and told my friend that he has a thing or two to learn about women. Like...

lesson #1: never reference a woman's age
(especially in a way that suggests she's some sort of sideshow freak)

Later in the evening, this same guy friend was wildly gesturing (like he's scarfing down food) at the waitress to indicate that he's waiting for his food to be delivered....I casually dropped this hint:

lesson #2: sometimes talking is necessary....
(a given should be when you're trying to communicate with a waitress)

And as he's waiting for his food to be delivered, he pointed out that my large piece of chicken looked like it had been genetically altered and therefore could result in my gaining an extra toe....hence, my quick (and fairly comedic) follow-up to #2:

lesson #3: but more often than not, silence is golden.

It was at this point I quipped that I wished I could record my friend's comments and play them back to him...and, with a goofy grin, he commented to my parents that he thinks I've told him that before (which I have...many, many times). 

There were several other "lessons" that popped up through the course of the evening...such as watching out for ladies with "crazy eyes" (I was immediately informed that all women have "crazy eyes"), never talking about a woman's weight, checking the crazy/hot scale standing, etc.

My parents were practically in tears from laughing so hard at the whole conversation (I think my dad about lost his tea at least twice)...especially given the timing, quick chatter and funny looks involved in it all. And my other guy friend was making the situation even more humorous by trying to work the other end of the spectrum by saying things like, "B, you know, I've heard that a woman really comes into her own during her 30's...it's when you really grow in your own beauty"....only to be put on the spot (by his mom) as to how a woman in her 50's could be perceived.  Poor guys couldn't catch a break...


My final tip for the evening...

Lesson #??: Don't take dating advice from a single gal (ie. me).
;)

Friday, July 23, 2010

from a mustard seed...

Back in 2008, I wrote a blog about a little gem of an idea. Over time, that idea got pushed aside...brought back up...tweaked and refined...and most of all given a clear cut purpose.

I'm thrilled to say that this August, we'll get to witness the culmination of this project. Right now donations are being gathered for listen.read.love.repeat....but the real goal is for people to come purchase these donations, and (through that purchase) donate to the American Cancer Society.

To stay up-to-date on the latest listen.read.love.repeat. news (including how you can get involved)...check out the website and facebook page!
Website: recycle2love.org
Facebook: facebook.com/listen.read.love.repeat

I'm excited to see how this all plays out...and I'm already plotting for future endeavors... :)

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

note to myself

I should never ever be allowed to go grocery shopping when I'm legitimately hungry (and craving sweets), because this is what I come home with:

Oreos
Cinnamon Rolls
6pk of Big Red
Brownies topped with Chocolate Chip Butter Fudge Ice Cream
2 bottles of Chocolate Milk (hey, at least I got a 1/2 gallon of real milk too)

No wonder the check-out girl gave me a disapproving look!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

float on

Dear Comal,

Yesterday you pushed me down and hit me in the knee (while drawing the tiniest bit of blood), but I think that only made our time together more lively and adventurous. Thanks for hosting my "polygamist family" as we floated along....I'm sure our discussions were highly educational to you.  You and your wily ways....kept trying to separate me from the group, but we had a "no toob left behind" policy [and yes, I really did just spell tube like that....on purpose].  You definitely amused me while I was the DD (designated drifter). Next time, I might throw you off-guard and bring my wine-in-a-juice-box...who knows what fun we'll have then!

B

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

phone chronicles...

with an anonymous, awesome friend....

my friend was trying to talk me into wearing my hair curly [note: my hair is naturally straight...curls seem to be something beyond my hair's comprehension] for an event this upcoming friday:

me:  "you don't understand...my hair looks awesome for maybe the first hour, but then everything goes awry"


aaf:  "seriously....I'm sure it's not that bad!"


me:  "I'll send you a photo to prove it!"


aaf:  "[long pause].......[snort]...HAHAHAHA.....Ok, maybe it IS that bad!!"


me:  "hahahaha....I told you so! so I think straight hair is the way to go..."


aaf:  "[still laughing] agreed!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------


minutes later, on the subject of guy prospects:


aaf:  "well...I give all your damn bastards the benefit of the doubt."


me:  "hahahahaha....yes, you do...and I'm gonna quote you on that. Plus I think you could add that along with awesome friend and extremely honest (especially in regards to my hair) to your personal resume."


-------------------------------------------------------------------------

several minutes after that:

aaf:  "[giggling]....sorry...still laughing about your hair"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

**originally forgot to include this section...
even later in the convo (in the midst of another topic):

aaf: "seriously, what friends were you with that didn't inform you that your hair had transformed into a hot mess??...b/c you really shouldn't be friends with them anymore. [still snickering]"

me: "[chuckling] actually I'm supposed to be a bridesmaid in one of their weddings..."

[laughter interlude]

aaf: "you should rethink that."

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

warning: this may end up in a sitcom

As I was waiting in the Austin airport to board my delayed flight to Long Beach, Carla called to chat with me about my transportation to Laguna. Carla had originally planned to pick me up, but then she found out that me and one of Jason's friends were actually coming in on the same flight...and this guy apparently had his friend [Jason's friend's friend....ummm, yes this gets confusing] picking him up on the way to Laguna...so she asked if I would be ok hitching a ride with them [Jason's friend {who we'll call Dude One} & Jason's friend's friend {who we'll call Dude Two}]...and since I'm a fan of adventure I (of course) agreed.

First, I have to find Dude One...who Carla had described as "a really tall guy who looks like he should be in Weezer"....note to all: most guys flying from Austin to Long Beach seem to fit this description. Just when I was about to call Carla back and tell her that finding this guy was like picking out Waldo in a scene where everyone's dressed like Waldo.....a guy walks up to me and says, "umm hey...I think you're Brooke"....ummm, yes that would be me. My introduction to Dude One. [One of my friends was like, "he prob was told to look for a petite, quirky Nancy Drew look-a-like with her iPod on and a book in-hand"]

While Dude One definitely had some Weezer-esque qualities (with the Buddy Holly glasses and tattoos)....he totally looked like Phil Dunphy from Modern Family! I'm a huge fan of that show...so the fact that Dude One not only looked like Phil, but the fact that he talked like him too was a genuine novelty to me.

Finally we made it to Long Beach, and got picked up by Dude Two....who just happened to resemble Mitchell & drive a Prius....needless to say, I had to restrain myself from giggling throughout the 45-minute car ride. Especially since I was wedged between car seats in the back seat.

When I shared this experience with my office mates (who also happen to be fans of the show)...they extrapolated that I was riding with the true inspirations for the characters...and therefore could end up in an upcoming episode as random girl #2 who Mitch and Phil "accidentally" pick up at the airport on their way to a wedding.  

ps - click here to see some professional pics from Carla's wedding!

Sunday, July 4, 2010

california dreamin'

Guess all the dream talk during my vacation inspired a San Fran-related dream...which went something like this:
Krystal was in the process of purchasing an enormous house in San Fran. Being the generous person that she is, she invited me and several others to live in the place...(apparently my brother and his wife were looking at moving in as well...among numerous others...so I guess it the house was going to be a commune of sorts). Thankfully the place was ENORMOUS...to give you a better idea, the back wing had a movie theater in it.

However, there was a hitch as Krystal tried to sign the closing papers. Jon Voight, Jennifer Aniston & Angelina Jolie showed up to protest her purchase (apparently they wanted the place as well...enough that they were willing to work through their personal issues)...and in an insanely short amount of time the housing dispute went from being somewhat civil to an intense full-blown war (with actual guns, knives, etc). Krystal (somewhere amidst the breakdown in decorum) took on the appearance of Courtney Cox in a black, full-body super-spy outfit...and I magically changed into cocktail dress with a bullet proof vest hidden beneath it (b/c that's how I roll...at least in my head!).

Krystal/Courtney and I ran down the road to find cover from the bullet tirade...and as we were looking for cover, we unearthed (yes, it was underground...and no, I don't know why) a Toyota FJ that apparently was bulletproof...however in the process of getting in the car...Jon, Angelina & Jennifer drove by and shot at us again...this time Krystal/Courtney got hit directly in the chest. Fortunately she was saved by her cleverly disguised bullet proof vest.

Once Krystal/Courtney & I got back to the house, we immediately headed to the theater for a cocktail party (which explains my dress...at least to some extent). I also noted at this point that Krystal/Courtney's face was falling off (so I guess she was wearing a disguise to look like Courtney Cox...perhaps to confuse Jennifer Aniston??). Of course, Jen, Jon & Angelina were hot on our trail. But as they approached...I loudly exclaimed, "Oh my gosh...is that Angelina Jolie with Jennifer Aniston?!" and they were instantly swarmed by celebrity-seeking party guests. This quick and utterly ridiculous diversion allowed Krystal and I to escape....and ultimately live for another day.  :)

Friday, July 2, 2010

surreality: my subconscious at work, part II

Recently, Paste Magazine posted a list of the 20 Creepiest Kids' Movies of All Time ...and as I was reading through the list, I remembered that I had an extremely strange dream a few months ago that combined two of the films from this article.

Here's the basics of this Jim Henson/Return to Oz trip-fest....
1. I looked like Kira (and, I don't mean in a real, human way...I mean I was Kira the muppet)
2. My guy friend [*Dude] looked like Jen (again I mean, the muppet)
3. I've never actually seen Dark Crystal...so it is beyond me as to why I dreamed about these characters.

Me and *Dude were in the abandoned futuristic city of Dallas, frantically being chased by Wheelers (these Return to Oz baddies thoroughly creeped me out as a kid). We finally decided to take refuge in an airstream trailer...which proved to be a wise choice, since the Wheelers couldn't open the door with their wheel-hands. [Initially I thought it was a good dream ending, but then again how long can you survive in an airstream trailer??...I guess, forever if you're a muppet..?]

During my San Fran trip, I divulged this hilariously quirky dream to Krystal & Cherie...Krystal kept trying to figure out a way to make the dream fit in 140 characters or less, so it could be described in a twitter post. Since that didn't work out...I figured a blog would have to do!

*Guy friend who will not be named :)

Thursday, July 1, 2010

samurai diva

Today I received a "Save the Date" postcard for my friends' (Jenny & Daniel) wedding, which I'm thrilled to be a part of this upcoming winter. The card listed their wedding website which I decided to investigate...especially after a few rumors I'd heard about it. I was thoroughly excited to see that they selected a 'Disney Princess Personality' to describe each bridesmaid (sooo Jenny!!).  Mine reads as follows:
Disney “Princess” Personality: Mulan from Mulan-Brooke has ninja skills. Brooke is a beautiful woman inside and out. She would do just about anything to save the honor of her friends and family. Although, we’re not sure how cool she would be with dressing up like a dude.  
The reason this is soooo perfectly awesome is that the first time I met Daniel I jokingly (with a slightly serious edge) told him that if he ever hurt Jenny I would bust out my ninja moves on him! Glad to see that my talents have been accurately recognized... ;)

July Independence

Today I was hit with a heavy swirl of emotions, mainly because I realized today is July 1st. I think so much of this sentimental uprising is based on the events of last July. Last year, the first full week of July in particular became my personal hell week. I was initially thrilled about July 1st, 2009 which marked my Granny & Papa Brooks' 60th wedding anniversary. However, that celebration was short lived, because on July 2nd they lost their youngest son (my Uncle Zack).

An already fractured environment seemed to completely unravel after that day...after a progressively tough year of loss (whether from illness that took friends and loved ones, or natural disasters that destroyed lifelong homes) countered by momentary highs (my brother's wedding, my parents' 30th anniversary, etc),  it's like things just began to fall apart at a scary pace. Within a week of my uncle's death, my Granny Brooks went into ICU...my Papa Sheppard had a hospital encounter...and I was taken to emergency room on the verge of a stroke. Those who weren't in the hospital were stretched beyond their limit trying to care for the rest of us. When I went to the ER, I actually begged my friends not to contact my family just because I didn't want my parents answering another late-night call bearing bad news (of course my request was taken into account and [without my knowledge] dismissed ...so I thankfully had my parents by my side).

Needless to say, I've avoided thinking about this all for a long time (almost a year to be exact)...but with the realization that today is my grandparents' 61st wedding anniversary, the memories hit full force.  It's all bittersweet...which encapsulates life in a nutshell. There are so many things to celebrate/commemorate over this next week...a rare marriage well lived; the independence of our country & the sacrifices of those who fight on our behalf; my sister-in-law's birthday; the beauty and grace of friends, family and faith; tears wept over loved ones;  growth from difficult times; our homes, whether it's a brand new place or a home lived in for 30+ years; fried fish (if you have tasted my Papa's fried fish, you'd celebrate it too).

Even though last July was excruciatingly rough, it caused me to look at my conditions through a different filter. Within the past year, I've lived with a greater sense of purpose...and with this refined resolve I've taken on fresh challenges, made new friends, traveled coast to coast (and beyond), learned more about grace, repaired a few old friendships,  fought for causes I believe in, etc....and I can only hope that I continue to embrace the curve balls of life and live with peace that defies circumstances.

Bit by bit, I'm learning to just let go...