July Independence

Today I was hit with a heavy swirl of emotions, mainly because I realized today is July 1st. I think so much of this sentimental uprising is based on the events of last July. Last year, the first full week of July in particular became my personal hell week. I was initially thrilled about July 1st, 2009 which marked my Granny & Papa Brooks' 60th wedding anniversary. However, that celebration was short lived, because on July 2nd they lost their youngest son (my Uncle Zack).

An already fractured environment seemed to completely unravel after that day...after a progressively tough year of loss (whether from illness that took friends and loved ones, or natural disasters that destroyed lifelong homes) countered by momentary highs (my brother's wedding, my parents' 30th anniversary, etc),  it's like things just began to fall apart at a scary pace. Within a week of my uncle's death, my Granny Brooks went into ICU...my Papa Sheppard had a hospital encounter...and I was taken to emergency room on the verge of a stroke. Those who weren't in the hospital were stretched beyond their limit trying to care for the rest of us. When I went to the ER, I actually begged my friends not to contact my family just because I didn't want my parents answering another late-night call bearing bad news (of course my request was taken into account and [without my knowledge] dismissed ...so I thankfully had my parents by my side).

Needless to say, I've avoided thinking about this all for a long time (almost a year to be exact)...but with the realization that today is my grandparents' 61st wedding anniversary, the memories hit full force.  It's all bittersweet...which encapsulates life in a nutshell. There are so many things to celebrate/commemorate over this next week...a rare marriage well lived; the independence of our country & the sacrifices of those who fight on our behalf; my sister-in-law's birthday; the beauty and grace of friends, family and faith; tears wept over loved ones;  growth from difficult times; our homes, whether it's a brand new place or a home lived in for 30+ years; fried fish (if you have tasted my Papa's fried fish, you'd celebrate it too).

Even though last July was excruciatingly rough, it caused me to look at my conditions through a different filter. Within the past year, I've lived with a greater sense of purpose...and with this refined resolve I've taken on fresh challenges, made new friends, traveled coast to coast (and beyond), learned more about grace, repaired a few old friendships,  fought for causes I believe in, etc....and I can only hope that I continue to embrace the curve balls of life and live with peace that defies circumstances.

Bit by bit, I'm learning to just let go...