I can't see sheep!

I love TLC's show Jon & Kate Plus 8...for those who have never seen it, it's about a couple that has a set of twins [7 yr-olds] and sextuplets [3 yr-olds]. Jon and Kate recently decided that it is important for them to spend time with each of the kids individually…so Jon took Aaden to visit a dairy farm. As Jon was driving them through the farm, Aaden’s in his car seat desperately trying to see out of the window.

Aaden exclaims: “I can’t see sheep!”

Jon promptly asks: “What did you say?”

Aaden (once again) earnestly exclaims: “ I said…I can’t see sheep!”

Jon laughs and says: “Oh, ok, I thought there was a ‘p’ on the end of that…but I just wanted to check.”

So, needless to say, “I can’t see sheep!” is my official quote of the week.
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Big Dreamin'

I tend to have extremely random and peculiar dreams. One time I dreamed that I was a man…and not just any man, I was like a mix between James Bond and Batman. I don’t know what that reveals about my psyche…because I haven’t talked to anyone else that has ever had a dream where they were a person of the opposite gender…but it does make for fairly interesting conversation.

On Friday, I had a dream that I was performing in a high school talent show. Sounds normal enough, right? Um, no…this wasn’t just any high school…apparently, I was at Hip Hop HS…the class president was Sean Combs (aka. Diddy, P.Diddy, Puff Daddy, whatever alias he chooses to make up, etc), and my talent show partner was the high school basketball star, Shawn Carter (aka. Jay-Z). But it wasn’t all rap superstars… several of my friends were randomly scattered throughout the dream. It is interesting to note that all of us still had our full-time jobs, but yet we were still in high school.

Throughout the whole dream, I was in a frenzy to find Shawn (which is how I referred to him instead of calling him Jay-Z…but I guess we were just that tight [in my dream]) since we hadn’t really prepared well for our performance. I became increasingly nervous after watching several talent show performances that involved circus clowns, flame-throwers, the Ying Yang twins and acrobats. My anxiety was even more amplified by the fact that Diddy kept harassing me about whether or not my partner and I were ready to perform, so I had to keep stalling for more time.

I decided to take action and actively search for my missing partner. My friend, Jacey jumped in to help me comb the school to find the ever-elusive Jay-Z. As we rushed through the hallways, the school began to take on the appearance of a luxury resort. I finally found Jay-Z making out with a girl (who I distinctly remember noting was not Beyonce) in a private pool area. And here’s how the rest of the dream played out:

ME: Shawn, you have to get ready…we have to do our talent show performance now, or we’re going to fail.

(He barely turns to acknowledge our presence.)

JAY-Z: Nah’….we’re not down for this show (motions like he’s waving me off).

ME: What do you mean…are you saying that you’re not doing this? In order to pass, we have to do this show.

JAY-Z: No…I don’t need this, because I’m on a basketball scholarship (still trying to figure out the logic on this one)...and I don’t do things 2nd rate...

ME: But you’re a singer….I mean, this is what you do! ( I throw my arms up in frustration). Can’t you just get up there and sing...and I’ll just dance around in the background and randomly throw out some background vocals?

JAY-Z: That’s not how I operate. Look, it doesn’t bother me, 'cause it doesn’t affect my job. Sorry if this gets you fired. (obviously not only my grades were dependent on this one performance, but so was my job)

JACEY: Surely, this won’t affect her job review at the UIL (which it interesting to note that I have my actual review coming up this Friday)…she’s worked there for several years, so I doubt they would fire her over this.

(Jacey and I walk away; I’m completely exasperated by the fact that Jay-Z refuses to perform with me in the mandatory talent show.)

ME: I don’t know what to do. Should I go on stage by myself, and just do what I can?

JACEY: No, you’ll be fine…Adam had to miss his performance as well, because he had to go back to the capitol for a meeting. I really think you’ll be ok.

I couldn’t help but wake up slightly peeved at Jay-Z...but I can't say that I blame him for not wanting to take the stage with me.

Tasers are the new Tupperware.

Due to some sketchy incidents at my apartment, my family and friends have been urging me to get some sort of weapon. My dad’s first choice was for me to purchase a gun and take firearm classes. Considering that my very first “C” was from my 7th grade Hunter’s Education class (yep…that’s right, they sent 13 year-olds out into a field with BB guns to learn how to shoot), this does not seem like a wise idea (much like the premise of the class).

Ruling out other options, (ie. knives [won’t go there], hiring a bodyguard, installing a state of the art home security system, learning karate) I have become fixated on purchasing a taser. My desire to purchase a taser has become a frequent point of conversation.

Mitch actually sent me this article a couple of months ago about how taser parties have replaced Tupperware parties.
Taser = Tupperware

Then I got an email from a friend telling me about the new taser/MP3 holster (I know, strange combo….and I feel that I should be slightly concerned that people automatically associate me with this product.).
Taser = Music
Fox News’ even has a recommended song choice: Aerosmith's "Lightning Strikes" and, of course, any number of "Don't Tase Me, Bro!" remixes.

This little pink taser would be my personal pick (btw, I love that this is on a site called “RV Protection Products")…
Taser = Pink
And you gotta love that the leopard print taser was marketed as the taser option for the consumer who wants fashion with a kick!

Fight the Funk

For the past month, I’ve felt slightly ‘off my game’. I don’t mean this in a creepy, dating reference way. I merely mean that I haven’t been my witty, efficient, motivated self. I’m even getting lazy in my typing…leaving a letter or two off of normal words (ie. Broke Spoke instead of Broken Spoke…or writing manic instead of maniac…um, yeah...not ok). Not only do I feel sluggish, but I feel like my intelligence dwindles by the day. Needless to say…this MUST change.
Unfortunately I seem to operate best by lists…and I say unfortunately, because I usually lose my lists (due to my current lack of personal organization—note: date books are great…until you have 4 and randomly update each one). But I figured if I make this list electronic, then I can always know where it’s at. So here’s my “Fight the Funk” to do list:

• Plan out my trip to Paris ☺ (Yes, I will be the dorky American tourist wearing the “Bon Jour” tee shirt.)
• Learn key French phrases/words (particularly, where’s the nearest bathroom?....I doubt “donde esta el bano?” will suffice)
• De-clutter my apartment/prep for inevitable move
• Deep clean my place
• Take an art class at Laguna Gloria
• Volunteer at church/for a non-profit
• Organize my personal files
• Make a chronological family photo book (aka. Growing Up Keeler)
• Buy a new cell phone (possibly a BlackJack II?)
• Back up music library
• Sell Barbies (my pristine, in-box Barbie collection needs to go)
• Establish exercise routine (my blood pressure demands this)
• Create a healthy diet list (refer to previous bullet point)
• Purchase a piano music book (for the fantastic old-school keyboard my granny gave to me)

PS - I created a “Fight the Funk” music playlist as well…

Mariachis = Love

This is shaping up to be the year of international weddings. My best friend recently decided that she wants to get married in Cozumel this upcoming December. This seems fitting considering that Allen proposed with a mariachi band on hand; granted, it wasn't an actual mariachi band (merely a group of friends dressed the part), but it's appropriate all the same.

Here are some great things about this wedding :
1. A five day vacation to the beach in December = Tan!.
2. Actual mariachis.
3. An extended Christmas holiday....to my already cushy two week break.
4. No high heels...we're going barefoot. :-)
5. Courtney & Allen will finally get hitched!